be.a.Voice.not.an.Echo

Soo this is my first post and as i was sitting here trying to ponder what to write about it just hit me…Worship! Last night all of Cataylst combined with the regular wed. church service and had an AMAZING worship night…Even the little kiddies came down from upstairs for a couple of songs, that was pretty cool. Ok so anyways, as i was singing i really felt that God was saying to me like lay it all down, im really good at laying what is easy or what i dont want in my life anymore down(and im sure everyone can relate) but its the stuff that you want to hold onto so tight that you really just have to let go of. i sadly tried to ignore that- but it just kept comming back. For these past couple weeks i’ve almost been fighting with God, which is quite hopeless, bacuase he’s right your wrong, end of story….Well me being the incredibly stubborn person that i am, kept trying to prove to God that i can both praise him,and live in a world full of lies. Huh, uh yea clearly that wont work, its definantly one or the other, so as hard as it is im TRYING to choose the ONLY praising him part, which ehh is definantly not going to be easy..Ok so i kind of got side-tracked, anyways so besides laying it all down you just have to let go..And ooo those 2 words, some of my least favorite ever. i feel like in the past year i have let go of soooooooo many things, and still being asked to let go of more seems almost un-fair, which doesnt make sense because it is in my best interst. So i just keep on worshiping trying to ignore that one also-not working too well…

Then Pastor Reece goes up and says that he feels like the holy spirit is telling ppl to come up and say some word for someone or something encouraging, and im like O no, please God dont tell me to go up there, but sure enough even as i was saying that i heard him telling me what to say. I was like ahhhhhhhhh no, God thats just mean, he’s like do you trust me? i just stand there, thinking yes, but trying to think of some good excuse to not be able to go up there. Then one comes to mind, God im still trying to work on issues of my own, im still broken, i need help. But then i hear him saying again, when your broken i can use to reach other broken people. this doesnt make sense, i always think that you have to have dealt with your issues before you go up and tell ppl to deal with theirs. But thats not what God had in mind, so after some time i walk up to the front(freaking out…) and ask pastor Reece for the mic, i turn around looking into some very bright lights thankful that i cant see everyone in the room and start talking…Now if you know me at all thats NOT what i do, in large groups of people i dont exactly voulunteer to talk, but when i was done it wasnt that bad, i just walked back to my place and started to worship again..

Then i was talking to my amazing friend Carrie Hayes and she said something that really hit me, she was saying that i shouldnt feel like i have to go back to CA cuz i have been called here.And i was just like oh, wow your right, it was kind of hard to hear cuz i miss CA, well not really i just miss my friends and family, but i also think that if i was still there i’d most likely be dead, kind of harsh, but very true…i know that i was called here, not sure why, but i was, and thats why im having a hard time thinking about what to do with myself when my family moves up north, cuz i dont want to go AT ALL.  thats another story tho, so anyways as we were talking more she also said that the person she met and who i am now are like totally different(cant remember the exact words..) and as i think about that she is right, its actually kind of strange. i remember one time we were talking and i was like umm yes theres no way im going to want to change (this one thing), and i had absolutly no desire to, and then like a couple months later im actually doing what i said i never wanted to do..hmmm strange, i honestly dont think that i would have been able to make it this far without some of the most amazing ppl that i’ve met at ORCC. so i want to really thank Carrie and Holly B becuase they are both outstanding women of God and i look up to both of them a lot!

Soooo basically if you live in Denver, or in the near areas, you should DEFINANTLY come to Catalyst on wed nights 7-8:30ish.Love you all! -Kimmi3